Oh No! No Pet 100% Cool Anymore?

Via 22 Words

 


Oh no.

My feelings on cat owners are well documented, but this HARVARD professor has Dogs dangerously perched on the precipice of uncool pets. We used to be able to trust dogs, if a dog doesn’t like someone, I assure you, that someone sucks. Anything willing to openly sniff a butt for information on the quality of character of someone is a creature willing to leave no stone un-turned, an exceptional work ethic, a passion of profession, and you have to respect that. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I will stop loving dogs, this stream of conscious “logic” is absurd. The fraud literally says the theory is possible, that there’s “no reason” to think otherwise. New’s flash, Science Bitch, there is, their brains are the size of Kumquats, they are creatures with a dope sense of smell, they aren’t gods. They’re dogs you dyslexic fraud.

Putting Dogs in purses was bad enough. Taco Bell putting that Yo Quero shit on TV was the start, but the Ron Swanson, all dogs under 50 lbs are Cats, and Cats are useless Theory solved that dilemma. Now Harvard is trying to ruin society again. Seriously, what pet can you buy now and guarantee coolness? Birds? Nope, weird. Buy an alarm clock you weirdos, there’s probably one built into even your old ass flip phone. Hamster? Sorry, putting things is a plastic ball and having them run around isn’t playing, and so, not a pet. Snake? Nope, have fun with your obscure sexual proclivities you voyeuristic, passive aggressive murderer. If you have a pet snake the question isn’t IF it’s how many STDs do you have?

Don’t get me wrong, this is an absurd statement, that your dogs are dreaming about you. Dogs haven’t changed, dogs are dope, the problem is that this bullshit just appeals to the wrong pet owners. Narcissistic, lonely individuals that think they can buy companionship, and need validation in being “loved”. Pay a prostitute you sad, sad people and stay away from dogs. Stop trying to ruin 2017 for the rest of us.

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